I had just been through a whirlwind of a home buying process and little did I know, it was just the beginning.
"Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show
mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him."
(Isaiah 30:18)
"The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high;
he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,
and he will be the stability of your times,
abundance of salvation, wisdom, and
knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is Zion's treasure."
(Isaiah 33:5-6)
I had seen this house and fallen in love. I loved it's quaintness, coziness, hominess, and it was in an area I loved that was close to both church and friends. It felt weird to be putting in an offer on only the third home I'd seen in person, but I had to try.
It felt like weeks but in reality it was about 7-9 days of waiting. My realtor was keeping me posted on if we stood a chance against the other offers, and it turned out I was #2 in line for being considered. The seller went with the other person's offer and I was disappointed but not crushed. I knew this was the name of the game and I had my mind set on being in this process for the long haul; like 6-12 months long haul.
I continued about daily life and just could not shake how perfect this home would have been for me. It had everything I wanted and then some; it was in a budget I was trying to stay within; the association dues were an insane deal and included cable and internet; and it was near other friends and friends of co-workers.
For the next four days I prayed, "Father. I trust your heart for me and towards me."
What I meant by that deep heart-felt prayer was that no matter what happened going forward from here, I trusted Him. It wasn't about praying for a home and asking Him to answer. It was deeper than that for me.
It was my declaration to Him that no matter what my future held or what He had in store for me...I trusted Him. With every fiber of my being I was saying, "I trust you."
Even if it meant my life wouldn't look like I thought it would.
Even if it meant my desires would be fulfilled in different ways.
Even if it meant being faithful right where I was.
His character. Who He is. His heart for me.
Unchanging.
I accepted that this home was not going to be mine and that some other lovely person in this world was going to enjoy it, until...
My realtor texted and called me four days later and said, "The first buyer had to back out. The house is yours if you want it. Call me ASAP!"
I had been in a movie with all my co-workers, closing out a work conference when I saw the missed call. My jaw dropped. I could not believe it. Without hesitating I told him a resounding, "YES. Yes I want it!"
As the days and weeks went by and as I began to sit in the fact that I was going to be a homeowner...the amount of money I had been spending between earnest money, an inspection, a new bed, an appraisal, home furniture, and things like paint supplies, paint, kitchen utensils, and tools, I started to stress. Not to mention the NINE car repairs and a new laptop charger that all came up in the same month. Coincidence? I don't think so.
I found myself worrying about finances even after the Lord provided this house. Sounds silly, right? Why wouldn't He provide what I needed after gifting me with this home in HIS time?
I had just gone to Target and had put the bags in the backseat of my car when I noticed something in one of my bags that I did not purchase or put there.
$0.13 .
At the bottom of my Target bag was $0.13 and I had been stressing about all things finances for days.
I paused and said to the Lord, "You are my provider. You see my every need. You hear my every prayer. You are in control, not me. You have orchestrated all of this and I will continue to trust you."
Now, I couldn't buy or do anything with the $0.13 but that's not the point here.
The Lord is constantly taking me back to the passage in Matthew 6 about the birds, how He cares for them, and for us to not be anxious because He's our Heavenly Father who cares for us (paraphrased).
I don't know what you're walking through right now.
I don't know what you're facing that seems impossible.
I don't know what valley or wilderness you might be in.
He is your Father.
He hears you.
He sees you.
And not because He answers a specific prayer in the way you wanted Him to, but because in the hard road, in the impossible, in the valley, you can cling to and hope in who HE is.
Unchanging. Faithful. Trustworthy. Constant.
The peace isn't in the answered prayer. It's in H I M.
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