I try to make it out to northern Idaho once a year. My extended family that I grew up around moved there seven years ago. My aunt and uncle were basically my second set of parents growing up and my cousins felt like siblings. We did pretty much everything together; camping trips, Disneyland, BBQ's, pool parties, carpool, church, sleepovers, and so much more. Like I said, we're a close family.
Every time I visit Idaho it honestly just feels like I'm going to my second home. I'm surrounded by family, food, games, deep conversation, laughter, movies, and trips into town. This particular Thanksgiving was my first one I would spend up there. I was really looking forward to the quality family time, cooking preparations, and endless eating.
Throughout my time there, many conversations were had, but there's one that stands out to me specifically that I will never forget. It started by it being pointed out that I (still) did not have a ring on my finger. It ended with someone overhearing that conversation, pulling me aside, and speaking truth into my singleness.
You can imagine that when this person overhead my conversation about there being no ring on my finger, I was already feeling vulnerable, sensitive, and a bit defensive might I add.
She tenderly grabbed my arm, pulled me away from others' comments, thoughts, and opinions, and began telling me her own journey, while also reminding me of truth.
She told me that my worth and value were not determined by my marital status.
She told me that lasting satisfaction, as she had learned, can only be found in Christ.
She told me that no person on this earth, spouse or friend, could ever satisfy my soul.
She told me my identity was in Christ.
Within my family, no one had ever done this with me before. It's usually been the opposite where I get asked well-meaning questions such as: "How come you're not dating anyone?", "Are you involved in any singles ministries at your church?", and "Are you just being picky?"
This moment in the kitchen was profoundly healing for me. I knew, in my head, all of the those truths that she was speaking over me, but it was different in that moment when she saw me and tucked me away in a spot in the kitchen to share her life and scriptural truth.
Isn't that what we all need to be doing for another?! Grabbing each other by the arms and reminding one another where our identity lies.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27). We are made in the image of God.
"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." (John 1:12). We are children of God.
"...even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:4-6). We were chosen and adopted.
"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ..." (Philippians 3:20). We are citizens of heaven, not this world.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16). We are loved.
Our identity, no mater what season we find ourselves in, is always in Christ.
If we were sitting at the table together right now, I would speak the same truths over you that were spoken over me.
To all my fellow single ladies. There's nothing wrong with you. You'll be tempted to roll your eyes at me when I say this but genuinely...singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift. One is not better than the other. One is not moving in an upward direction while the other is moving in the opposite. Both are on the same playing field. The seasons, responsibilities, and priorities just look different. Both are gifts in their own unique way(s).
If you're wrestling, doubting, struggling in your season of singleness, I'm in it with you. I understand. Wrestle. Doubt. Struggle. Know that it's okay to desire and want marriage as a single individual. Marriage is an absolutely beautiful picture of the relationship Christ has with His church, His bride, His people.
Your singleness isn't something to be cured, fixed, or solved. Your life has already begun. Live it. To the glory of the Lord. And if He brings someone into your life, that is a gift too!
Live for the Lord if you're single.
Live for the Lord if you're married.
And remember your identity is in Christ and who He says you are.
[Guided Prayer]
Father, I pray that you would help me root my identity in you. I pray that I would not look to the things of this world to define me, whether that be my marital status, my career, or my possessions. I also confess that I struggle, wrestle, and doubt to believe what is true about me in light of my singleness. It's hard when it feels like I am alone, left out, forgotten, or left behind. Who do YOU say that I am? Remind me today. I choose to trust you and your Word even when I don't feel it. I trust you with my desires, knowing you hear and see me, and knowing that you alone satisfy the deepest longings of my soul above all else.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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