I'm pretty certain I started journaling before my first technical journal entry but I have no idea where that particular journal resides. What I do have is my first recorded entry to date in a leather journal that is currently in my possession. January 2, 2008 reads something like this:
"I feel like if I get out of my comfort zone in certain areas...then I would be able to be the light for Christ I so desire to be...I know that I am a light for Him, but I don't think I am showing it in the (more) ways that I can."
Gracious. I sit on the other side of these words 13 years later and admire the much younger version of myself who was processing all of these thoughts late at night about what it meant to fully live as a light for Christ. The truth is, I was already a light for Christ. I just desired to use the opportunities He had given me to be a light in the uncomfortable and scary. I had no idea what I had just said "yes" to and the role I was stepping into, but I knew He was with me. I knew He had already gone before me and was preparing me for future roles I would have exactly like this one.
That same feeling creeps in today, too. If I'm being honest it's creeping in now.
I still desire to use the opportunities the Lord has given me to be a light in the uncomfortable and scary. Starting this blogging website is uncomfortable and scary. If we were sitting at the table in a coffee shop or my (future) house, I would tell you the same thing. This blog looks put together, polished, clean, and sharp but do not be fooled folks.
- My "About Me" picture on the right side of this home page was taken in my car after I got my hair done. That morning I had thrown on clothes (the shirt was a friend's), I hadn't showered, and I only sent that photo to my family.
- This was a pre-created template from a website I researched, and I plugged in my own words, pictures, and thoughts.
- I've walked away from these pages, this website, this endeavor more than ten times in the last few days. I told myself this idea was dumb, insane, and no one would subscribe and read these posts anyway so I should just give up now.
Behind all of the words you'll read...
Behind the screen...
Behind the neatly designed layout of this site...
Is a broken person just like you. Here, you'll get the real me every time, and a real God who meets me through His Word in the broken spaces and places just like He meets you.
I pray that whatever direction this blogging website ends up taking, you would always feel like you and I are sitting at the table over a cup of coffee or tea, engaging in real-talk conversation, praying, and pointing each other to God and His Word.
I step into the uncomfortable and the scary with you today. Not knowing how the Lord will use our "yes" in this moment. Not knowing the ways He could use our "yes" to Him for something in the future. It's uncomfortable. It's scary. But. Let's not live out of that. It's okay to feel those feelings. But don't let those feelings control how you live or keep you from saying "yes" to the Lord.
Here I am. Saying my "yes" with you.
Proclaiming He's with me to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).
Proclaiming He goes before me and will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Proclaiming a peace in the midst of the chaos that can only come from Him; shalom (Isaiah 54:10, Isaiah 26:3).
Proclaiming He will carry out His work in me until the very end, just like He did with bringing the Israelites into the Promised Land (Genesis 28:15).
[Guided Prayer]
Father we love you. We confess that we need you. We proclaim your promises to us found in your Wordy that you will never leave us or forsake us; that you will always be with us and that no matter what we're facing you offer us your peace. We choose to believe these promises. We say "yes" to you today in whatever situation or circumstance we're in that feels uncomfortable and scary, knowing you are with us. It's for our good and your glory alone.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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