God as Father

"I recognize you are skipping over that line Kaila...calling God Father. Let's unpack that."

Talk about a counseling session.

We didn't only focus on this. Actually, the entire session was about renouncing lies and areas of my life I was not free in Christ, and praying for chains and strongholds to be broken around my heart and mind. After this 3 hour session you better believe I was exhausted. The opening line of this blog is something that has never left me.

We unpacked alright. We talked through some of the root issues as to why it was hard for me to not just address Him as Father but to see Him as Father. We talked about real life examples of my earthly father and other father figures that played a significant role in my life. We talked through my own baggage and how that contributed to my not seeing God as my Father.

After all of this I proceeded with these specific statements I was reading aloud in front of my biblical counselor about God being my Father and I won't say it got easy from there. In fact, it was actually super awkward.

I was addressing God as Father. Out loud. I'd never done that before. I felt exposed, open, naked, vulnerable. Not from shame but from how it felt to call Him Father; intimate.

I called someone on earth my father and it ended in hurt. Is God really my father?!

[PSA: I am really open about my story with my earthly father and I actually wrote about our story and God's redemption in a post on my Instagram (@kailayim), keeping my dad in the loop that this is what I was doing. I won't go into detail here; you can view it there. (If you don't have Instagram I can email it to you if you'd like to read it. Send me a message, email, or leave a comment.)]

I didn't all of a sudden feel comfortable calling God Father after this session. I didn't walk away even wanting to call Him Father. That was just the beginning of Him opening my heart.

A year and a half later...did you catch that? A whole YEAR and a HALF later, I encountered unideal circumstances that forced me to lean on Him as my Father with every fiber of my being.

I was alone in a huge house off and on for a handful of weeks. I had to depend on the Lord in ways that I had never done before. One of the ways was for protection.

This specific area was lively and I startled easily, especially at night. At 3:00am He used the birds in this one tree just outside of the window I had been sleeping near. He was whispering to me, "Daughter. Kaila. I know you by name. I care for these small birds. I care for you. I am protecting you." And I would fall back asleep.

This continued every single night/morning until I had the opportunity to move. That's when this truth that God was my Father went from my head to my heart.

His heart for me was good.

His heart towards me was good.

His love for me was that of a perfect Father.

His protection of me was that of a perfect Father.

Matthew 6:25-34 was something I read to myself and over myself multiple times a day. Out loud. First thing in the morning. Right as I was falling asleep. At 3:00am. I would often fall asleep with my Bible right next to my pillow as if the verses would transfer to my heart through osmosis. [Read it this weekend!]

His words were the words I breathed.

And the words I breathed began to give me a glimpse into His heart.

His Father-heart.

I still have to consciously choose to call God Father. It doesn't come naturally to me.

I tell you that to remind you you're not alone. To reiterate that this doesn't end with a nice bow on top with everything being beautiful, different and amazing. Those things are true, and I have experienced a sweet level of intimacy with the Father (see what I did there) because of all of this. But.

I still have to actively choose to remember He IS Father.

I still have to actively choose to call Him Father.

I pray this post would be a seed planted in your heart today if you struggle to call Him Father too. Now go read Mathew 6:25-34.

[Guided Prayer]

Father, thank you that I can call you Father and approach you as Father. I pray that you would show me more of your heart this weekend/upcoming week. Sometimes it's hard for me to approach you in this way. Sometimes it's easy. Draw me nearer to your father-heart as I seek you through your Word, fellowship, serving others, and prayer. Thank you for loving me perfectly. Your heart for me and towards me is good.

In Jesus' name, amen.