"God wastes nothing" stated author Alicia Chole in her book "The Night is Normal."
To summarize, Alicia's book is about finding intimacy with God in the dark nights of the soul (at night), not just when blessings abound (the day). She reminds us that God created both the day and the night (Genesis 1:2-5), but that some things can only bloom in the night, albeit we would rather they didn't.
This isn't the first time I've heard this phrase "God wastes nothing." My therapist started reminding me of this truth early on in our sessions. I was so afraid that if I committed to stepping back from full-time vocational Christian ministry (which I did), all of the years and countless hours spent in Bible school, Seminary, discipling women, and serving in various capacities would be for naught. I told her that if I chose to resign from my former nonprofit, what would that mean or say about the last 14 years of my life?! She looked at me with such confidence and said, "God wastes nothing. He uses everything." I knew she had experienced this in her own life; to what extent, I don't know. But I know she has walked deeply with Jesus, and for that, I am thankful for her words of wisdom to me in my season of "the night."
The dark. It's a place most of us, I think, avoid. Who wants to sit in the dark and deal with their feelings, questions, hurt, heartache, pain, confusion, loss, and insecurities? Who wants to be in dessert wastelands, dry seasons, restless nights, and 3:00am toast cravings? Not me, but I can't avoid it.
We would rather spend our days basking in the full sunshine, blessings abounding, every provision met, no cloud in the sky, and our joy overflowing. Who doesn't desire that? But it can't and doesn't stay this way forever on this side of eternity. Our world is broken and filled with sin, suffering, pain, and evil. It's also filled with beauty, creation, sun, flowers, and good food!
But between my therapist, Alicia's book, and the night season I am in in my own life, I am learning that:
The night is necessary.
The night is refining.
The night isn't scary.
It doesn't mean I like it. But I am more confident today that God does not waste the seasons that feel like night, than I was 7 months ago when my entire life changed and then changed some more.
I will be the FIRST to tell you how dark the night has actually felt and been the last 7 months. I am not writing this as someone on the proverbial "other side." I am writing as someone who is still in the thick mud of it all, and is slowly finding her way through the mud, not out of it.
God has not wasted a single thing I have been through.
I see Him using it in a million little ways.
I tell my therapist OFTEN..."I just don't want to be in this at all. I don't like it." She lovingly laughs and says, "Well...that's not how this works. This one is yours to carry and walk through, BUT...you have the Holy Spirit and a great support system." I, also lovingly, roll my eyes, laugh, and say, "I know...I know...."
There have been days where I thought the night was going to swallow me whole. There have been days where I can't breathe and I feel like this elephant won't get off my chest. There have been days where the trigger is so intense, I have to walk into the bathroom at work and ground myself. There have been days where I thought the waves crashed over me and swallowed me, and the only thing I could do was sob on my couch and whisper "Jesus" and fall into a deep sleep.
A Psalm that I have often gone back to and repeated in the night is Psalm 139, specifically verses 11-12 (read the entire Psalm when you get a chance).
"If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to you;
The night is bright as the day,
For darkness is as light with you."
(Psalm 139:11-12)
The night is quiet but not silent | He still speaks.
The night is dark but not hopeless | He is Light.
The night is lonely but not alone | He is with.
God wastes nothing. He uses everything. Even the darkness.
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