Healing is not linear, nor does it look the same for everyone.
I sat with a dear, trusted, and safe friend over coffee this morning and she inspired me to write today. A piece of our conversation was around ministry and not the formal, vocational, live off support, and move to a remote part of the world kind of ministry. It was the unseen ministries we were referring to in our own lives; the hemispheres our lives touch that most people will never know about or read in an Instagram post. It’s the bedtime routine with children, the praying over a friend, the intentionality of remembering someone’s big life event, the 9-5 jobs we both hold, and the spheres of influence we choose to spend our time in.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve been talking about this journey of healing I’ve been on for the last 2 years. The more digging I do in therapy, the further back it goes, but the last 2 years specifically have been the most hard for a lot of different reasons.
When I refer to healing, what am I referring to? What does that actually mean?
“The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.” (Psalm 34:7)
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
“He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.” (Psalm 34:20)
I’m referring to the internal healing work that is taking place in my heart before Jesus, with people who are choosing to enter into it with me, one of whom I pay to help guide me through my woes BUT, do not be mistaken, who cares just as deeply and has voiced her prayers and care for me; my gift of a therapist. This internal work of healing is not seen. It is not on display, nor is it black and white. When I refer to healing, I’m referring to the work I am doing in my inner world, in the day-to-day; the ordinary.
It’s in the finding of new joys, rhythms, and pace of life.
It’s in the rebuilding of my life from what I thought it would look like.
It’s in the new memories, new friends, new community, new church, and new adventures.
It’s in the redefining my identity at 32 years old after misplacing it.
It’s in the reshaping of my thoughts and narratives I once believed about myself.
It’s in the unlearning of all the things I thought were normal/healthy that were damaging and confusing.
Healing is a lot of unlearning for me, and then a relearning of what is good, right, safe, healthy, clear, and protective. So, what does this look like practically?
Do I sit for hours at home and stare at a wall until I’ve processed through the things I wanted for the day? No.
Do I isolate myself and watch movies to numb the feelings I’m shoving down? No, but sometimes that’s ok.
Do I only go to work, come home, and sit on my couch? No.
What do I do to be proactive about the ways in which I am healing? I’m glad you asked!
I surround myself with reciprocal friendships who care about me as much as I care about them.
I spend time with Jesus before work, naming and feeling my feelings.
I get outside as often as I can to clear my head, exercise, and process.
I schedule monthly friend dates with those in my inner circle and cut the small talk.
I journal every day after work to get my feelings out on paper.
I cry on my couch, in my bed, or in the shower when I’m triggered by something from the past.
I show up to my 7-3 corporate job and daily say, “I am safe here” until my body believes it.
I invite friends to pray for me about specific things I’m processing.
I treat myself to things I didn’t think I deserved when I was living off support (I love getting my nails done).
I work on my budget each month and allot specific funds to vacation, emergency, and just pure fun.
Fun looks different for everyone
I listen to podcasts, the Holy Spirit, wise counsel, and my gut intuition.
I take my vitamins, drink lots of water, and stick to 1 cup of coffee/day.
I take time to sit and listen to the Lord and process out loud with Him (perks of living alone).
Healing, actual proactive healing, looks so different for everyone. This is a little bit of what it’s looked like for me, and I’m curious if you’ve questioned your healing journey, too. What do others think? Am I actually healing? What is working and what is simply not working?
I’m in my no shaming era.
Choosing to not shame myself for my feelings.
Choosing to not shame myself for the things that sound fun to me.
Choosing to not shame myself for the days I need to just be with Jesus in nature rather than people.
Choosing to not shame myself for what I need and letting go others’ perceptions.
Psalm 34 has been a balm for my weary soul for the last couple of months. The entire Psalm is beautiful and the specific verses at the beginning of this blog have really jumped out at me as I’ve been intentional with my healing. I am reminded that the angel of the LORD encamps around me; that He is NEAR to my broken heart and spirit; and that He is keeping me. I have tangibly felt all of these things from the Lord and it isn’t something words can convey, you have to experience it for yourself.
So…
If healing looks like grabbing a cup of coffee with a trusted friend to share your heart, do it.
If healing looks like writing down lies on a terra cotta pot and smashing it, do it.
If healing looks like taking a hot bath and reading a good book, do it.
If healing looks like going to work and speaking up, advocating for yourself, and using your voice, do it.
If healing looks like getting your nails done or ordering take out, do it.
If healing looks like speaking calmly to your child while you reparent your own inner child, do it.
If healing looks like doing the thing you’re afraid of and then telling someone about it, do it.
I am finding, rebuilding, reframing, redefining, recreating, and reshaping my life. And I wonder how many of you are doing the same things.
I would love to know what healing looks like for you, and I hope some of what I’ve shared has encouraged you to remember you are not alone.
Your healing journey matters, whatever it looks like.
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