I did not dream of this. I did not plan for this. I didn't even want this.
I never thought I'd be here. 30. Single. Homeowner. And yet here I am...30, single, and a homeowner. While I didn't dream or plan for my life to be on this particular path, I also wasn't going to NOT pursue something because I was #waitinguntilmarriage .
I have always been a pretty big dreamer. From the young age of 14, I knew what I wanted and went after it. Bless my parents. I was strong-willed and stubborn, and when my mind was made up about something, it was hard to convince me to do otherwise. P.S. Don't be too concerned. I was listening to the Holy Spirit and my mentors. These are the things I knew that I knew that I knew:
I wanted to be in ministry.
I wanted to do overseas mission work.
I wanted to live a lifestyle of discipleship.
I wanted a Master's Degree.
I wanted to speak, teach, and heck...preach.
I wanted to write.
I wanted to own my own home.
All of these things were never contingent upon my marital status or if I had biological kids. They were things I thought about, but they were never reasons to not pursue something. Examples: "I am waiting until I am married to pursue overseas mission work" or "I am waiting until I get married to own a home."
It does not mean I do not desire those things (marriage and kids). It means it is not the season of life I am in and I am choosing to live this one life I have been given to the glory of the Lord. If He allows my path to cross with someone I do choose to marry, may we glorify God together in ways that look a little different than it did in our singleness.
So, when the Lord started stirring my heart towards owning my own home and using it to serve others and glorify God, I had to grieve the death of a dream.
The dream of buying a home with someone.
The dream of filling the bedrooms with kids and toys.
The dream of having a family of my own to move into a home with.
The dream of shouldering house projects, paperwork, finances, and bills with a husband.
I had to grieve the death of those dreams.
I had to choose to embrace the beautiful season the Father was leading me into. With Him.
I don't think I have ever wanted a spouse more than when I was in the process of buying my home (real talk). The process was overwhelming, to say the LEAST, and navigating it all on top of a full-time job and with no family in town to help shoulder the load was hard.
I remember frequently being on the phone with my lender or realtor, scheduling all the appointments, paying for things left and right not knowing what it all was, and crunching numbers and finalizing closing costs.
I remember leaving work and heading straight to the new home for an inspection, a final walk-through, or to b-line it to Home Depot for more supplies and materials.
I remember being at the paint store at 6:30 am to choose a paint color, and going back at the end of the day to grab my 6 gallons of Greek Villa.
I remember driving out of the way to my bank for multiple withdrawals and heading straight to my old home to stash the checks somewhere safe.
I remember the piles and piles of paperwork, e-signatures, and terms I did not understand.
I cried a lot.
I prayed a lot.
I called my parents a lot.
The hardest thing about all of this was shouldering the big decisions, including the financial ones, "alone."
The greatest joy in all of this was walking all this with Jesus so closely and intimately, and Him giving me the grace I needed for each day and moment.
There are both hard and beautiful things about being a homeowner as someone who is single (as is most of life...hard and beautiful). The things I have learned and done and fixed have given me greater confidence. The time I get to have with no one around can be used as moments for intimate connection with the Father. The responsibilities I have juggled have stretched my capacity to greater lengths. The funny learning curves I have had, and the gift of other friends who are homeowners and single who have gone before me.
If there's one thing this season has taught me, it's to lean in and embrace.
Lean into the Father while embracing what is hard.
Lean into the Father while embracing the learning curve.
Lean into the Father while embracing those who want to help you.
Lean into the Father while embracing the little you know about this season.
Lean into the Father while embracing the loneliness.
I know it's hard.
If you have friends who are single and own homes, check on them every now and again.
Offer to help with house projects.
Ask if they have social plans on a Friday night.
See if they want one meal delivered so they can take a break from cooking 8107 meals.
Be intentional with them. They still need connection.
If you are single and own a home, I am proud of you and also be intentional.
I am proud of you for not giving up on a dream, and this season will require a bit more work on your part when it comes to maintaining friendships. You live alone. Reach out.
I am proud of you for not waiting until _________, and you still need community and accountability.
I am proud of you for juggling all the things, including a steep learning curve about home ownership, and if someone offers to help you, take them up on it.
I am proud of you for walking with God, even if it wasn't what you had pictured.
Me too.
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