Mother's Day. For the one who is Single

I am not a mom.

I do not have kids of my own (biological, adopted, foster).

I don't change diapers regularly.

I don't do nightly bedtime routines that include snuggles and reading.

I don't clean bottles 10 times a day.

I don't own a car seat, high chair, or stroller for any little person.

I don't have to coordinate multiple schedules.

I don't have to plan or cook for anyone in my house other than myself (unless I'm hosting).

But.

I have mothered and served many.

So, what does Mother's Day mean for the one who is single? I used to think the day didn't apply to me at all. It was a day to honor my mom and those I knew who were also moms; and rightfully so. But a sweet elderly lady at church gave me something to think about on this exact day, 3 years ago.

All the moms in church were encouraged to stand so they could be recognized and thanked. As a single woman, this always made me feel a bit out of place. I am a woman who is both not married yet and does not have kids yet, and a part of me wants to stand and the other part of me also recognizes I'd be standing to represent mothering in a non-traditional sense. Would that be accepted or would people just look at me weird because they know I don't have kids of my own?

The congregation was filled with mothers of all types that Sunday morning, and the elderly woman sitting behind me put her hand on my shoulder and said, "You are a mother too. You are a spiritual mother to many." And I half believed her. The other half of me doubted her and brushed it off because why would I stand if I was "only" a spiritual mother?

Not one Mother's Day has passed since then, that her words have not come to my mind.

I had been discipling a student pretty heavily at the time when I received a text from her that read: "Happy Mother's Day K! Thank you for all of the ways you have poured into me, discipled me, took my phone calls, answered my texts, talked with my parents, and mothered me. You are like a spiritual mom to me and I just wanted to say thank you and I love you." (paraphrased)

That was the first time I had been wished a Happy Mother's Day. I smiled, I cried and I saved that text. And my whole perspective on Mother's Day shifted. What the elderly woman spoke into my ear that one Sunday was affirmed a year or two later when I received that text.

Mother's Day is beautiful and special and should absolutely be celebrated. It is also so much more than the ways we are used to defining it.

I babysat the same two kids all of high school.

I have discipled dozens of teen girls.

I have slept next to a baby in a tent with a portable space heater.

I've cheered at sports competitions and dance recitals.

I have cried with young girls who have had friends betray them.

I have had a 4 month old strapped to me in an Ergo in a 3rd world country for one month.

I have sat with college-age women as they share their stories of finding freedom from sexual shame.

I have babysat for friends who have needed a sitter.

I have pulled all-nighters in foreign countries, talking through panic attacks and homesickness.

I have prayed, cried, and wept with high school students.

Mothering.

Serving.

Listening and loving those around you.

Discipling.

Being hospitable to the outcast and vulnerable.

Cheering.

Crying.

Showing up.

The list above isn't intended to point a light on me. The list above is intended to paint a picture of all the different ways it can look like to mother; to be a mother to others by serving and loving.

If you're reading this and you're single, I hope this Mother's Day you feel seen and celebrated for all of the ways you show up, serve, give, love and disciple.

If you're reading this and you have friends who are single, send them a text. Let them know how much they mean to you and the ways you've seen them show up for you or others.

Being single on a day like today. Yeah...it can be hard. And it also has the potential to be really really beautiful.

To my friends who are single on this Mother's Day. You are seen.