Not a Perfect Missionary

Surprise! I apologize if you thought I was.

I came face-to-face with this reality when I was being presented with a ministry opportunity every single day in Cachi, and I was frustrated more than anything. Frustrated to the point of being sassy in my responses, dreading going to the corner grocery store, and maybe having some choice words under my breath. Like I said, "Surprise. I am not a perfect missionary."

You see, there's a small grocery store up the road from the church we stay at. It takes approximately one minute to walk there and it's owned by an Asian couple. The husband has always been a bit more friendly to interact with than the wife, so I always smiled and enjoyed our very small conversation. His wife was the exact opposite. Never look at you in the eyes, never handed you your money back in your hand, always fussed at printing a ticket (receipt) when you asked for one, and sometimes shooed you to leave.

Yep, this was my experience. Everyday.

I tried to converse with her, ask her about her day, smile, and just accept the fact that she would never look me in the eyes or hand me my money back in my hand. This was my fourth year in this small town in the mountains and I knew she knew me. But I never got so much as one look from her. Even the locals of the town reiterated to us that she's always been this way and doesn't engage with them either.

I came back from this store one day and my blood was boiling (ask my co-workers...or maybe not). I could not handle the blatant disrespect anymore. I told them I straight up asked her, "Why are you always so grumpy and not nice to people?" She just shooed me away.

I was done.

Done trying to build a relationship.

Done trying to get to know her.

Done trying to hear her story.

Done.

Is that the heart and attitude of Christ? Definitely not. And I knew that.

I was tired of trying to persevere through her walls, hard-heartedness, and sadness. The very last thing I wanted to do was pray for her, but a co-worker with a heart for evangelism, more life-experience than me, and 70 years of wisdom suggested we do so. How could I say no?

My two co-workers and I circled up and prayed for her (and my own heart towards her) right then and there. I openly admitted before my co-workers and the Lord that this was the last thing I wanted to do for someone who just shooed me away from her presence but here I was asking the Father to soften her heart.

After we prayed I had the fleeting thought of "and you call yourself a missionary? You can't even stick it out with this woman to see if she'd be open to a Gospel conversation." Words from the Enemy right there folks. Like I said, it was a fleeting thought and I am very grateful, with the power and help of the Holy Spirit, that I didn't give the Enemy THAT foothold in my mind.

Here's what I learned from all of this.

It's okay that I wasn't the person the Lord used to soften this woman's heart. It took someone with a much more patient and willing spirit than myself. My 70 year old co-worker (whom I learned much from this summer might I add). He was able to share the Gospel with her with the help of one of our translators, give her a Bible in Spanish (she is Chinese but she knew Spanish too), and communicate to her that we were praying for her.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her from time to time.

What was my frustration was another person's ministry opportunity.

What was my irritation was another person's patience and compassion.

What was my lack of perseverance was another person's willingness.

Ministry is hard.

Missions is hard.

Because people are hard, messy, complicated and sinful.

That includes myself.

I don't do it well all the time.

I won't do it well all the time.

I'm grateful for true co-laboring in the Gospel because it takes a team.

I'm grateful I don't do it alone because we weren't meant to.

I'm grateful for the giftings/strengths of another.

I'm not a perfect missionary, and evangelism doesn't always come easy to me, but I'm still inviting you to follow me as I follow Jesus.

Because it's Him I'm chasing. Even when it's hard and messy.