I came home to a voicemail on our answering machine, from my best friend at the time, that was very clear; she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. That was that.
I was bullied daily by a girl in my 4th grade class, and a different girl in 6th grade.
I was left out of a friend group I had been hanging out with all school year. They decided together to not hangout with me anymore (and told me).
I sat by myself everyday at lunch for the first 2 months of 7th grade.
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Rejected. Uninvited. Unwanted.
All from a really early age in my life. At least that's how I felt.
I share pieces of those stories with you to say, "I understand. I've been there too." As a kid each of those situations rocked me to my core. If you think I'm an emotional human now, I definitely am, but you should have seen my parents trying to comfort me as a child through all of this. Bless them.
They let me cry, voice my hurt, and encouraged me to try and let those things go. I never could. I knew that it was just how I was wired. I could not shake the comments, laughter, bullying, and taunting. Over time, (a LOT of time) I became comfortable in my own skin. I was okay with not having a specific "friend group." I was okay with the fact that I was just more quiet and didn't need to change myself to be liked. I was okay with having a variety of different friends I was close with from all stages, seasons, and ages in life.
And as I got older, the one thing I was determined to do was to start being the person who looked for others who were on the outskirts, the fringes; those who also felt rejected, uninvited, unwanted. I knew what it felt like and I didn't want other people feeling like no one saw them or understood.
People have assumed I am an extrovert. Rightfully so. If you know me in real life, you know I LOVE people. But. I feel most recharged and refreshed when I'm alone. Who I am today, people-loving-social-introvert, was shaped by these life experiences of feeling rejected, uninvited, and unwanted.
We all have stories behind why we are the way we are, and both things like public blogs and social media accounts can paint false pictures of what life REALLY looks like. At the table today, I am saying that who I am in real life is because of the heartache.
I didn't wake up one day looking for the lonely, including the outcast, and being the social person a handful of you know and see. I did wake up one day choosing to live from a place of first being accepted, invited, and wanted in the presence of Christ and from that place praying for the eyes to see those who may need a little of that themselves.
Lepers in biblical times were seen as an unclean people. They were outcasts, rejected, uninvited, and unwanted in society (Leviticus 13). In fact, even today, lepers who reside in the country of Nepal are still treated this way. All four times I've traveled to this beautiful country we have to hike through rice paddies just to get to their village; to touch them and show them they are loved and accepted.
"When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, 'Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.' And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately his leprosy was cleansed." (Matthew 8:1-3).
Jesus had crowds following him; swarms of people. And this man with leprosy had the faith and courage to approach the Messiah, kneel before Him, and say, "If you will, you can make me clean" (8:2). And Jesus TOUCHES him! I hope you can hear the passion in my voice because this is good. He does the unthinkable! He crosses cultural barriers in this moment.
He accepts this man. He sees this man. He changes his whole life with one interaction.
It took one person to reach out to me in middle school and ask, "Do you want to sit with me and my friend?" The LORD, through that one friend, changed my entire life that day. This happened 17 years ago, and we're still friends to this day.
Since then, a passion of mine has been creating spaces for others to feel accepted, invited, and welcomed; seen, known, and heard.
In her book Uninvited, Lysa Terkeurst writes, "Don't let this heartbreak destroy you. Let this breaking actually be the making of you. Let God use it in good ways to make you stronger and take your further" (Psalm 34:18-20) (Terkeurst, 141-145).
We all have a story.
We all have allowed our stories to shape us, break us, mold us, and transform us.
So, here's part of my story (emphasis on part).
What will you do with these harder parts of yours?
I'm in your corner.
I'm at your table.
I'm fighting for you and praying you let Him use the really hard and painful parts of your story to serve others and glorify Him. You just never know how He'll use it, and it might change your life or someone else's.
In Christ you are accepted, invited, and welcomed. And if no one has told you that recently, hear it right now.
It's okay to take time to process the hurt and pain. It's okay to feel your feelings of sadness, grief, anger, and confusion. Just don't stay there.
And if you need a friend, you know where to find me.
[Guided Prayer]
Father, I am feeling rejected, uninvited, unwanted. Meet me here. Comfort me through your Word and your people. I pray for just one friend. I pray you would also help me see those who might need a friend. Touch the deepest corners of my heart with your presence in a way that only you can do. Thank you for accepting me, seeing me, knowing me intimately, and loving me, even though I sin against you daily. I need you.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
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