Sex is a topic that is not talked about or addressed enough within the Christian sphere. Growing up in high school youth group, I only heard to not do it until you’re married, otherwise, here’s your purity ________ (key, ring, etc.).
“Girls step to the left of the stage, guys step to the right; stand in line to receive prayer if you need it.” “Come forward and submit your purity to Jesus.” “Deal with your sin issue(s) right now once and for all.”
Sex is usually talked about in the context of saving one’s self for marriage, remaining pure, or the issues men have with sexual integrity. In Christian subcultures it is rare to talk about both men and women as being sexual beings; both struggling to remain pure; and both having a sex drive. Because this topic is not a normalized conversation for women specifically in the church, many are hiding in shame; in their questions; in their fears; and in their unhealthy view of sex.
Jesus calls women (and of course men) out of hiding. John 8 is about the woman caught in adultery, and while this text is disputed, most scholars believe it was in fact part of the oral tradition. Jesus talks with women who are engaging in sexual sin and He pursues them. He doesn’t avoid them; He boldly and counter-culturally pursues them.[1]
Jesus is pursuing women who are engaging in sexual sin, desiring to heal their areas of sexual brokenness. And He is pursuing YOU.
Scripture provides truths that offer healing and freedom from sexual brokenness. While healing and freedom are found only in Christ, other factors can help women understand their desire for sex and sexual intimacy.
1. Jesus is interested in our sexuality, sexual brokenness, and sexual healing.
2. Our spirituality and sexuality are intertwined.
3. The adolescent stage specifically, sheds light on sexual development and areas of possible brokenness.
Adolescence is an important stage. The body is undergoing a lot of physical, hormonal, and sexual changes that one may not be entirely aware of. They may notice physical and developmental changes in friends at school and wonder about their own body. Queue puberty.
Puberty is the process of one’s physical and sexual development from childhood toward adulthood.[2] Women (specifically) start to experience hormonal changes which can also be linked to their family environment. If they come from a family where they feel less safe, they’re more likely to enter into adolescence earlier than a girl who feels safe at home and experiences little to no familial stress or conflict.[3]
Puberty is also this word that makes young people squirm. They know just enough to know it’s a sensitive topic, but not enough to take the conversation seriously. The context in which young women have heard it talked about, or not talked about sets the tone for how they view their bodies and sexuality. As they’re developing sexually into an adult, they’re discovering their weight changing, height skyrocketing, fat increasing in areas it never had before, perspiration that stinks, and blemishes that came out of nowhere. Anyone else remember this stage very vividly or is it just me?!
This process of bodily maturing is a huge life transition - not only developmentally but also emotionally, socially, and psychologically. While women display outward signs of puberty, they typically have internal signs that indicate physical and sexual development is also occurring. They experience changes to their emotions that heighten their feelings and sensitivity, and they experience psychological changes in how they view the opposite sex, how they view themselves as a woman, and where / how they fit in with their families.[4] Each of these areas affect one's sense of identity. They’re navigating what’s going on with their bodies as well as where they fit into this world.
These changes are normal, natural, and part of God’s design. But without guidance through them, one may not steward them well. As someone experiences sexual desires, they may act on them, leading to a form of sexual brokenness (to be addressed in a later blog).
A woman's thoughts and feelings about the desires they experience are sometimes healthy and at other times unhealthy.[5] Either way, one can get stuck in a cycle of shame and guilt if she does not know or forget that she's created as a sexual being. By design God created all of us with the physical anatomy and biochemical properties of sexuality.[6]
All healthy females have longings for intimacy, relationship, and physical pleasure,[7] and that is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.
Accompanying these bodily changes are also changes in emotion, both in general as well as toward their view of themselves. Sometimes these heightened emotions can occur before puberty, or they can signal that it’s about to occur. How prepared they are or unprepared for these stages of puberty could have a lasting impact on their feelings about sexuality in general.[8] Young women typically react to how their parents respond to their changes, as well as how their culture treats it.[9]
I personally used to think anything having to do with sex and sexuality didn’t pertain to me until I got married. The things I could have known as an adolescent, many years ago, would have deepened my understanding of how God created me rather than hindered.
The changes young women experience, externally and internally, combined with their environment, shape their sexuality - which is more than only their physical distinctions.[10]
Questions to Consider:
How has your adolescence shaped your view of sex and sexuality?
Knowing what you now know about adolescence and sexuality, what does this bring into the light for you?
In what way does your life need grace, healing, and freedom?
What lies have you been believing that you need to speak out?
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[1] Bruce B. Miller, Sexuality, Approaching Controversial Issues with Grace, Truth, and Hope (McKinney, TX: Confia, 2015), 68, 69. [2] Ian McMahan, Adolescence (Boston, MA: Pearson, 2009), 66. [3] Ibid., 77. [4] Ian McMahan, Adolescence (Boston, MA: Pearson, 2009), 67. [5] Ibid. [6] Dr. Juli Slattery, Abby Ludvigson, and Chelsey Nugteren, eds. Sex and the Single Girl (Chicago, IL: Moody, 2017), 18. [7] Ibid. [8] Ibid., 82. [9] Ibid., 80. [10] Stanley J Grenz, Sexual Ethics An Evangelical Perspective (Louisville, KY: Westminster, 1990), 22.
Resources:
1. Sexual Ethics, An Evangelical Perspective by Stanley J. Grenz.
2. Sex and the Single Girl by Dr. Julie Slattery, Abby Ludvigson, and Chelsea Nugteren.
3. Adolescence by Ian McMahan.
4. Sexuality, Approaching Controversial Issues with Grace, Truth, and Hope by Bruce B. Miller.
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