I used to view my sexuality as something that was “totally other;” separate from every other part of my life. I’m not sure why I believed that this was an isolated area because based on the physical and sexual changes that take place as an adolescent, the whole person is impacted. I would try to separate my choices and my womanhood; my sexuality and my spirituality. Until one day, I learned that my sexuality and spirituality were actually connected, and that changed my life forever. I was no longer asking “Is this normal? Is it just me? What’s wrong with me?”
Women can hold fast to the truths that they were created as sexual beings by His design; their sexuality is a part of their spirituality; and they can move towards having a healthy sexuality.[1] Sex and sexuality was God’s idea in the first place.[2]
He created women to be sexual and have sexual desires, longings, and feelings.
They can experience both healing and wholeness in Christ Jesus through confession and accountability. When they confess, repent, free their minds from the lies of the enemy, and places themselves in accountable relationships, healing begins.
Wholeness in Christ comes from placing one’s identity in being fully known and seen by Him.
Sexual desires are connected to spirituality and truly wanting to be known and seen.
Yada is the Hebrew word for “to know” and encompasses the fullness of human spirituality. Human spirituality means to know Christ intimately and to be known by Him intimately.[3]
Amidst women’s struggles with sexual sin, they are fully seen, fully known, and fully loved by the God of the universe. They are creations of God in their entire being…body and soul…created in the divine image.[4] They can rest in the fact that their struggle with sex and sexual sin is not abnormal. Their sexual desires are a part of how God created them as well as their bodies.
These desires are in fact a representation of their need to share in wholeness and intimacy through relationship.[5] The relationship wholeness is most fully experienced in Christ Jesus.
Healing takes place when women are able to recognize that they are sexual by design. Because some Christian sub-cultures, including the church, typically address men in this area more than women, sexual brokenness can cause women to feel a lot of shame surrounding their sexual desires.
To avoid addressing women’s sexuality is to not talk about how God created them. Nearly all humans experience some form of sexual brokenness. Having transparent conversations about said areas can lead to healing.
Such conversations bring these struggles into the light and out of shame, and hopefully normalize this part of life.
Being embodied as male and female with sexual differentiations and desire is an intentional aspect of God’s design.[6] Knowing that they are sexual can alleviate some of the stress and pressures they may feel in regards to having this area of their lives “together.” They can give themselves grace with the grace Jesus has extended to them.
As sexual beings, made in the image of God, humans make choices about sexuality that are interconnected with their spirituality. The choices women make regarding their sexuality is a reflection of a deeper issue-their spirituality and their relationship with God.[7] They are an image-bearer of Christ, made in the image of Christ, and created as a sexual being; each represents the other.
Sexuality and spirituality were never meant to be isolated entities; they’re inseparable.[8]
One cannot have one without the other. Because sexuality is an area that churches, generally speaking, do not address much from the pulpit, ministry workers need to find a way to encourage men and women toward holy sexuality-and create the environment for them to be real and authentic about their lives embodied as male and female.
Everyone’s sexuality lies close to their spirituality.[9]
Women’s sexuality and spirituality involve deep longings to know and be known both by God and others. They have sexual desires and spiritual desires.[10] These two desires need to be addressed together and incorporated into a discipleship process so women can move toward having a healthy sexuality and relationship with Christ.
When women understand their sexuality and how it affects their relationship with Christ, they can move toward freedom, healing, wholeness, and a healthy sexuality. Helping them move toward a healthy sexuality looks like allowing their sexuality to draw them closer to the Lord rather than away. Women need to come out of hiding in the presence of other sisters in Christ to keep them accountable, and to put action steps in place for guarding against sexual sin.
We desire to be intimately and fully known, heard, seen, and still loved. We have physical and sexual desires and longings that we try to suppress because we think “I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Because I have these feelings I feel dirty and shameful.”
We isolate our sexuality rather than view our sexuality in conjunction with our spirituality.
I never thought the Lord cared about my sexuality, sexual decisions, or even sexual desires. To be honest, I didn’t even know I could talk to Him about those things. If I knew I could be both a sexual being and whole in Jesus, I would have been set free a long time ago.
So here I am, telling you YOU can be free, too.
Questions to Consider:
Do you believe you can be both sexual and whole (or free?) in Christ? If so, why? If not, why?
How have your sexual decisions been influenced by your spiritual decisions (or vice versa)?
How are your sexuality and spirituality connected? In what ways do you see this?
When do you begin to isolate your sexuality and spirituality? Why do you do this?
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[1] Dr. Juli Slattery, Abby Ludvigson, and Chelsey Nugteren, eds. Sex and the Single Girl (Chicago, IL: Moody, 2017), 25, 36, 126-141. [2] Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex, Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity, 2015), 16. [3] Ibid., 27. [4] Stanley J. Grenz, Sexual Ethics, An Evangelical Perspective (Louisville, KY: Westminster, 1990), 25. [5] Ibid., 20. [6] Dr. Juli Slattery, Abby Ludvigson, and Chelsey Nugteren, eds. Sex and the Single Girl (Chicago, IL: Moody, 2017), 36. [7] Ibid., 25. [8] Ibid. [9] Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex, Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity, 2015), 16. [10] Ibid., 26.
Resources:
1. Sex and the Single Girl by Dr. Juli Slattery, Abby Ludvigson, and Chelsey Nugteren
2. Redeeming Sex, Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality by Debra Hirsch
3. Sexual Ethics, An Evangelical Perspective by Stanley J. Grenz
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