I remember the day like it was yesterday.
12 years old. New school district. New school.
New sea of people. No friends.
My parents dropped me off, hugged me, said I was going to do great, and then drove out of the parking lot. It felt like I was just thrown into the deep end and I was terrified. Did I mention I had braces and was wearing a long khaki skirt with a shirt that said “Smile” ? Enjoy that visual ;)
I went way out of my comfort zone the first several weeks of classes. I really put myself out there. I said hi to random people I met during lunch hour. I tried to jump in on a game of volleyball. I even tried to strike up a conversation with a girl in the bathroom. Those people didn’t become my friends but I kept trying.
I sat in the same hallway eating lunch by myself, day-in and day-out for what felt like months. Once day I decided to sit out in the sun instead of the hallway and a girl I had never seen or met walked up to me and said, “I’ve noticed you‘ve been sitting by yourself for awhile. Do you want to come sit with me and my friends? We all love Jesus and I know you do too.”
My life actually changed that day.
This dear friend showed me what it looks like to notice others who are alone and to seek them out. She taught me what it means to embrace the awkward I may feel of approaching someone I don’t know, but doing it anyway. She taught me to not be passive in my observations of others but to follow the Spirit’s leading and act. Even when it’s uncomfortable.
18 years later...
And I can see the ways the Lord has used this part of my story.
Why am I writing about all of this now? Because while I'm a HUGE proponent of community, and doing life with other people and not isolated, I got invited to sit with a friend and her husband for Good Friday service a couple of weeks ago, and I chose to sit alone.
12 year old me would have been scared.
30 year old me was optimistic and excited.
I chose to sit alone.
Not just because I wanted to focus on the Lord and His crucifixion with minimal "distractions", but because I wanted to see others who came by themselves. I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to befriend the single woman who came by herself. I wanted to stare into an elderly person's eyes and let them know someone sees them and cares for them. I wanted to say hi to the person who stepped into church for the first time and felt awkward about being there. I share this as an encouragement, not as a "look at me."
What is a painful part of your story? What's that one situation that happened years ago but still gets triggered? What are some scars you have that could be used for the good of others and glory of God? **I know some situations are not this easy to navigate.
I share this all now because I have recently done things that have felt like I was "putting myself out there" all over again. And it was hard and scary, and fear of rejection was a real feeling. But a junior high friend did a scary and brave thing too, and approached a girl sitting alone and invited her in. My life has been forever changed because of it.
Someone invited her in.
She invited me in.
I am inviting others in.
What are you allowing the Lord to do with the hard parts of your story? I'd love to hear.
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