By choice, I spent one Thanksgiving alone. November 2022.
I had purchased my townhome the year prior and wanted to create my own traditions as a single. A husband, marriage, and kids are not promised (to anyone), and I didn't want to wait to start my own traditions for a holiday, for something that may not happen. I was confident in my decision to celebrate in this way, but the responses from others were shocked, surprised, and full of curiousity.
I got asked if this was by choice or if it was because I wasn't invited into someone's home. It was definitely by choice and I most definitely got invited to many homes (I felt the love).
I was living in a prayer (not on a prayer...for any of you Bon Jovi fans ;) ) that had been answered by the Lord so kindly and faithfully. The prayer of one day owning my own home that was filled with safety, belonging, fun, laughter, fellowship, and prayer. It had been all of those things and more, and I wanted to continue on that path by inviting a new kind of tradition into my home; a Thanksgiving meal prepared by my own hands but with the same love and tender touches of my family's foods incorporated in. I made a family-favorite appetizer, a steak with all the fixings (stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce), bought a dessert, and FaceTimed with my family. My grandpa called me to ask how the cooking was going, friends texted, a sourdough loaf was delivered to my doorstep, and I got to do all the things I love under my own roof: cook, blast music in the kitchen, and call my family.
Did it feel lonely at times? Yes.
Was it all butterflies and roses? No.
Did I desire to be around people? Yes.
Was this a reflection of all my future holidays? No.
As someone who is not married and doesn't have kids, this age and stage I am at in my life has forced me to get comfortable with myself and in my skin. It's forced me to think about what I want my future to look like and to ask the the question of "Would I consider fostering or adopting as a single woman?" It's opened my eyes to the unique possibilities I have in front of me that sometimes feel scary. It's forced me to get comfortable with the silence in my home, the quiet nights, and many meals cooked and eaten alone.
It has also forced me to look outward and not just inward.
This particular time in my life has given me opportunities to invite others into my home. It's given me opportunities to do house projects whenever I need and invite others to join me. It's given me the ability to have worship and prayer nights with friends on my living room floor. It's given me flexibility to have dance parties with friends and to crank up the music however loud I want. It's provided ample opportunities to host many people who have needed a place to stay or who are passing through and want to extend their stay to hangout.
Living life in this world as a single is not all bad, not all hard, and not all doom-and-gloom. There are so many beautiful things to love, nurture, and tend to in this time.
Don't get me wrong, I have spent many a time crying on the phone to my mom about how hard it is to be single, do it all, work, make a living, pay the bills, meal prep, shop, make appointments, do home repairs, show up for your friends, exercise, and somehow keep yourself healthy and sane in the process. You should have seen the tears I cried on my laundry room floor that night. It was not pretty or hope-filled.
I suppose the point of this blog is to encourage the one who is single to press on. To do the thing. To not give up. To not be afraid to spend a holiday alone. To try something new for you, simply because you want to. To create the life you long for (with Jesus), instead of letting life pass you by. To do the hard thing. To sit in the silence. To get comfortable with yourself and in your skin.
And attempting all of that, amidst the realities of how hard it actually is. You can hold both.
Cook that holiday dinner for youself.
Dance like no one is watching.
Invite others into your space.
Sit alone with the Lord and press in.
It's painful. It's lonely.
It's exciting. It's tender.
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