Pain.
Sorrow.
Heartbreak.
Salvation.
Passion.
Discipleship.
These words sum up the four most formative years of my life; high school.
I was chatting with a friend the other day and she said "I am loving your blog. I just read your most recent one where you said high school was the most transformative years of your life and I was left wanting to know more." So here we are friends. Wonder no more.
I was 14 when I was told that life was about to flip upside down and backwards and sideways. I didn't have any bearings or foundation to grab onto or stand on. I felt like a fish out of water. What would life look like now? Would I only see one parent for forever? Who would take us to school on Monday? How were the bills going to get paid and by whom?
[I actually wrote a bit more about the details of this story in an Instagram post. Feel free to check that out on there. The post's picture is of my dad and I when I was a little girl.]
This moment in time forever changed me.
Around this same time I started attending youth group. My cousin, who is like a sister, was persistent in asking me to go with her. So, every Wednesday my uncle or aunt would pick me up and take us to church. I'd attended faithfully for a few months, and one night I remember the Holy Spirit stirring my heart. I saw everyone else around me talking about God and to Him like they knew Him. And not knew Him in a head knowledge sort of way, but knew Him in a relationship sort of way. Like He wasn't far from them.
I knew I was missing this. A relationship. And with the foundation I had built on my family now crumbling, I needed a new one. One that wouldn't leave me. One that would sustain me in times of trial. One that would never give up on me and always love me.
I gave my life to Jesus that night. Alone. In my bedroom. Life has never been the same.
Life got significantly harder from then on, not easier. Don't get me wrong. I was experiencing life in fellowship and in community like I had never experienced before. I was being discipled by five older women in the church. I was going on international mission trips and discovering more of my passions and how God had wired me, and who He had created me to be. I was slowly healing from wounds of the past. I had deep friendships and never wanted to leave church. I knew my youth pastors and their families.
And. Life still got more difficult and heartbreaking.
I believe you can absolutely hold both in one hand;
Good and hard.
Sweet and painful.
Joy and sorrow.
Hurt and Healing.
I held both for four years and if I'm being honest, still do. But when do we not? Because life never stops being good and hard; sweet and painful; joyful and sorrowful; and hurtful and healed.
This story was just the transformative years as an adolescent. I haven't even touched college!
I imagine we're sitting at the table and I'm holding your story in my heart and hands, with tears in my eyes. Whatever your story is, I pray you are able to hold both emotions in one hand. I pray you know how loved you are. I pray you know that the God of the Universe calls you His and He sees, knows, and hears you. Intimately.
[Guided Prayer From Me To You]
Father, I pray that you would be near to the one who is reading this and is questioning if anyone hears, sees, or knows her. I pray she would know how loved she is and the lengths you went to show her that. I pray you would use her story for your glory, and that she would begin today to find freedom, healing, and redemption in you. I pray you would surround her with community, godly counsel, and godly friendships to share her story with and to do daily life with. Thank you for loving us, rescuing us, and redeeming us.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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